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Knowledge is POWER.
Gender: F
Age: 49
State: MO
Country: USA
Experience...
I have recently became an "empty nest". My son is 16 years old and he and I were living in a one bedroom apartment. I slept on a futon and he got the bedroom! He left under bad circumstances, because of wanting to live with his father. So rather than fight with him some more I let him go. But he ended up at my daughter`s house. She is 24 and has been married for almost 7 years. He couldnt live with his father because of the stepmom. So I have started empty nesting with a bang!~ I have been living in it for about 6 months now and am coping now. But at first it was really a bad experience for me. I had visits with my daughter/son in law. But would see my son there with them. He has been mad at something towards me ever since he moved out. I still to this day, do not know most of why he is mad! For the last 6 months, I go up to pick up my daughter to go out with her. And see my son after school or during the weekends until about 3 months ago, he started going to his friends` house during the weekends, so I breathed a sigh of relief because I didnt have to run into him at her house. When I go up there I want to see him but when I do, we usually dont get along. AND he goes out of the house to his garage room. SO I come home all upset and trying to understand why we are like this. Then when I usually wake up during the day at my home, I start thinking about the times he was here living with me before he moved out. I have more free time, and sometimes too much free time. I let myself get depressed. But especially now I feel like I am beginning to come away from the nitty gritty of this experience. I find that I can go when I want to for the first time in my life without having to "get ready" to go out. I can go out to eat, but am used to being with my kids all the time. So its kind of lonely since its only been about 6 months now. I found since I was divorced at this time, I can make dates, and can go out without a curfew to get back to the babies etc. or the babysitter. Or later in life, having the two kids I have end up beating on each other before I could get back home for them. I come home after a date or dating relationship and can have my date or my man into my house without kids having to scramble into the corners to hide from us lol! Then when Im ready for him to go home, I can be by myself and have my FREE time to myself without any kids fighting or yelling things at me about the other child, or what they are doing to each other. It gets lonely sometimes, like when I start to cook something, Im used to going to the kitchen and fixing a meal for a husband, two kids, and me. NOW, its just ME! Sooo, how do I downsize the things I have cooked before, that used to be big enough we didnt have left overs even! NOW, I eat something that I fix for DAYS! LOL! At first I didnt know WHAT to do with my time. After 6 months I have found I have time to read my book without having to quit before I want to, or I can wait on dinner until I finish my book if I want! So as time goes by a little Im finding more and more time that I dont feel guilty for taking for myself. Compared to having empty nest or not, I think I am getting used to being JUST ME! [506]
Gender: F
Age: 49
State: Louisiana
Country: USA
Experience...
I normaly do not at the drop of a hat do this sort of thing. But today is different. Different in that I thought my youngest (who is a senior in high school) would stay in the community and attend college here has dropped a bomb shell on me this morning announcing that he would like to attend college in Texas with his freinds. I SURELY thought that he would follow his sister`s footsteps in attending a college close to home. So in my head I planned in him sticking around at least another 4 years. Anyway I`ve been crying and clutching pictures of him all day. Yes, I know he is still in high school for now but just knowing that the day will come in fall is just heartbreaking. My daughter is still home and attending UNO is not often home. She is very busy with school and work. But HEY I still get to see her eveyday. I count my blessings for that. But for my youngest to go AWAY is not acceptable to my emotions. This is what scares me IF I am experiencing this now-What is the day going to be like when they MOVE OUT ENTIRELY or God forbid chose to move miles or even states away. I hope not. I pray that my children chose to live close to their parents. They are forever in my heart. [190]
Gender: F
Age: 44
State: Michigan
Country: Huron
Experience...
I have a older sister who is doing a dis-service to her 22 year old daughter by holding her back from experiencing life. I come from a large family of 8 children and the girls are very strong self suppporting hard working women,the men depend on our mother for everything and we find that repulsive and weak. However back to my experience. My sister doesn`t go anywhere or do anything with out her daughter. They are best budddies, I see nothing wrong with that, but she doesn`t encourage her to get a job, set goal and when she does, she finds all kinds of things wrong with it and she makes her quit. She won`t let her drive because she doesn`t want anything to happen to her and she won`t let her go out with out actually giving her some instructions on calling her every hour on the hour checking up on her. If we have a family get together and she is drinking she will count her drinks and badger her about it until they leave. The girl has no friends, no job, no life and is basicly a home bound prisoner. She watches cartoons, movies and lays around doing nothing. She doesn`t know how to cook, clean or anything. She is told when to shower, brush her hair etc. when someone asked her a question my sister will answer for her. We had no clue how smart she was or even if she could talk. We would have to tell my sister to let her answer her own question and even then the girl wouldn`t say much. If you can get her away from her mother then she would talk your ear off, but the minute she is in the room she clams up. I know my sister is very controlling because her older son was about 2 years old and we went to McDonald to eat and in the car on our way home she would say "Now don`t throw-up in the car" and instantly he would do it. I was so mad at her, after a half dozen times I finally told her to keep quiet and don`t say a thing and low and behold it worked and he out grew it. when we were younger and my mom would ask me to bake cookies, my sister would control the situation to the point that I would never do it and she would be happy to finish it up. Like it was a conquest or something. She pinches babys to cry so she can get them to hush up. She also would tell me that I did not know how to clean our bedroom and I would let her. She is a strange controlling bird. I believe she is afraid that her daughter will enjoying life with out her, like she is experiencing it through her daughter but acomplishing nothing in return. If confronted she agrees that she isn`t helping the problem and would cry. Any advise, HELP! [78]
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